Demoman and His Friends' Silly Pirate Adventure
by DWalkthroughGuy
Summary: Demoman (literally) blows away his team with an amazing kamikaze method, and now they must find their way back to Upward, New Mexico before they're fired! But how will they sail their way home without a little off-roading?
1. Demoman's New Trick

Demoman takes a swig of his Scrumpy, flourishing it drunkenly like a sword, getting up and picking up his sticky launcher all while stumbling to join his teammates in ready position to prevent those darn BLUs from letting off the ungodly huge warhead. "God, Demoman are you drunk again?" Scout frowns, holding his scattergun at the ready. The new Upward map was a new relocation for the RED team recently, so they needed some warming up to do before they got used to the environment.

"Maybe," Demoman gives a half-drunken smile back at Scout, who rolls his eyes and looks ahead.

"Mission begins in three, two, one!" the gates flip open as everyone lets out a battle cry, holding their weapons up as they rush to the battlefield. The first shot was given by the enemy Sniper, who picked Scout's left leg.

"Medic!" he screams, cradling it like a child. The Medic rushes and gives a quick shot with his medigun before returning back to the Heavy, who was already busy trying to spray the cart from the enemies; BLU pushers hide behind the bomb to stop Heavy's onslaught.

"Don't worry, ladies. I have this under control!" Soldier runs to the battlefield with his shovel shrieking a battle cry, only to be shot in the head by the BLU Sniper, his faint snickering heard at the squeaking rails.

"Wanker..." he mumbles under his breath.

"Come on, fellas. Let's get movin'!" Engineer lays down a sentry box down. "Scout! Go flank them from the right-"

"Yeah yeah blah blah I got this alright?" he leaps in front of the rail, using the cart as a block. Shots were fired, and seconds after his direct jump, the Medic could already hear his cries. "Medic!"

"Should I help ze Scout?" Medic asks Engineer, who was busy upgrading his newly built dispenser. Engie grumbles in resent.

"Let 'em have it..." he says. Medic sits down on a nearby bench, watching the cart nearing the second point. Sniper waiting in anticipation for his next target to walk right in his sights.

"Vell vhat is our battle plan now?"

"Medic, I'm dying here!"

"Let's just hold them off for this point here. Let 'em have the first point, then they'll come here all confident about the next one, and that'll expose them just enough for this good ol' guy right here," Engie explains, patting his Level 3 sentry.

"MEEEDIIIC!"

Demoman, half-walking half-stumbling, manages to get up the stairs before taking a seat down on the bench next to Medic.

"Oh no..." Sniper readjusts his grip.

"Hey what is everyone doing here and not on the battle..." Demoman slurs and falls asleep, snoring conspicuously. Engie just shakes his head.

"Augh. He is drunk again!"

"Well yeah. Wot did you expect?" Sniper looks away from his scope a split second only to be mauled in the face by the BLU Sniper's Machina.

"Medic, Medic, Medic!"

"Here they are," Engie mumbles, arming his wrench. Medic, taking his medigun, sees an incoming Heavy, obviously tired from running so much.

"Medic...I need...healing.." the tired Russian plops down on the bench, breathing heavily.

"Zhere Zhere, we'll take care of zhis, in the zhe meantime, WHY AREN'T VE DEFENDING?!" Demoman wakes up a bit.

A rocket from the BLU Soldier explodes the sentry, sending bits of the metal flying everywhere in the room. Medic ducks down from the shrapnel. 'Where is that Engineer...'

"HAUGH!" Medic recoils in shock, seeing that the Engineer is sprawled on the ground with a stab wound driven into his back. "Demo! Zhere is a Spy around here!" Medic whispers gently, keeping his medigun on the Heavy.

"I'm kind of dying over here!"

"Spy?!" Demo slurs, a tinge of panic in his tone. "INCOMING!" He fires a bunch of his grenades from his grenade launcher all at once, bouncing them all over the room.

Medic frowns, redirecting his healing beam to the drunken Demo. The grenades detonate at once, revealing an invisible BLU Spy. The Spy, nearly dead by the consecutive explosions, loses his balance and falls off the window. Demo, still being healed by the team doctor, looks out the window, seeing the dead Spy on the ground.

"That'll teach ya to not be a smokin' dead blurgh..." The Demoman passes out with alcohol, his arms dangling from the window. The irritated Medic takes his fainted teammate and sits him down on the bench near the Heavy, who was ready to return to the fight.

Demoman wakes up a bit. "The enemy has captured then second point!" The announcer shrieks. His eyes widen.

"Second point!" The Demo gets up with his sticky grenade launcher in hand. "Aye, I'll get 'em!" The whole team was advancing towards the cart, and Medic and Heavy we're king down the stairs to flanks hem from the rear. Demoman stays behind, launching his entire ammo pool drunkenly, every one of them sticking onto the the payload cart.

"Everyone, GO GET'EM!" Demoman banzai leaps from the window, releasing a cracking battle cry. His entire ammo pool of sticky grenades were latched onto the cart. Medic and Heav, rejoined by the entire team behind them, look up to see the Demo flailing his arms, right before he triggers the projectile sticky bombs.

Every grenade explodes, including the cart, sending the RED team flying westwards. With everyone screaming and flailing like the Scottish explosives expert, they sail like birds through the air at an astonishing speed, the landscape below them flying by. After an i ute off panicking and screaming, the team calms down.

"Are-are we flin'?!" asks the Scout, flapping his arms like wings.

"Heavy does not like this feeling..." Heavy is still a bit dizzy and motion sick from the sudden takeoff and loses a dozen sandviches. Everyone groans in disgust.

"Look out below!" Demoman yells at the desert ground below with a half-drunken smile.

* * *

><p><strong>And he goes for the kickoff! There's a new story on my archive of stories. Expect this to be a good one, because I don't plan for any unexpected, turbulent procrastination sessions and long eras of writer's block.<strong>

**Thanks anyways!**

**-DWalkthroughGuy**


	2. A Lengthy Trip

The RED team flew around since they were blown off the cliff thanks to the drunken Demoman. The feat was unbelievable; they were actually flying. The Sniper takes out the standard Sniper Rifle and peers down the scope. "Where do you think we're going to?" Spy was laying with his back down staring at the sky while smoking a cigarette.

Scout in the meantime struggled to imitate Spy by twisting and spinning, but none of them worked. "You see Scout, you must be agile and flexible like a cat. Like me," Soy smirks as he takes a drag from his quickly-burning cigarette.

"Yeah? Well I guess being a cat explains why you hide like a pussycat," Scout retorts, giving up on trying to "lay down". Soldier snickers nearby.

Sniper smiles as well, finally looking away from the scope. "Well we've passed quite a bit of cities and mountains by now," he reports, putting away the Sniper Rifle.

"Mmphl, mmph mmphen mmphoing mmown mmre mmor mmn mmour," Pyro states. Medic nods, his glasses tucked away in a pocket.

"So zat means ve have veen flying a couple hundred miles!" Medic calculates. Everyone is still pondering on how they got to fly so high in the air, except for Soldier, who is still too busy trying to get over the fact that he's become a fighter jet.

"WEE! AMERICA!" Soldier arms his rocket and launches all four of the rocketsin his Black Box.

"SOLDIER!" Engie barks, his bald head showing after putting away his helmet. Soldier turns towards him.

"We can't hurt civilians! That's against the rules-" A gas station below detonates in a big burst of flames as black smoke billows into the sky.

"Haha! America!" Soldier reloads his rocket and puts it away. "I'm a fighter jet!"

* * *

><p>After another hour of boring and tedious flying, the Pyro spots something none of them have expected. "Mmpher mmphere!" Pyro points with his gloved hand a large body of water.<p>

"Wait is that an ocean?" Scout points out along with Pyro. The others look up as well. Sniper was even sleeping while flying in the air, which everyone thought was impossible, but didn't question it. Waking up, he turns to the sleeping Spy, putting on his hat and sunglasses.

"Hey, Spook, what's going on?" Sniper whispers, while keeping his hand on his glasses and hat to stop it from flying away.

"It seems as if we have a landing spot," Spy points to the Pacific ocean down below.

"But how are we going to land?" Sniper replies.

"We leave that to gravity," Spy says, lighting another cigarette. It was a wonder he never got lung cancer. Perhaps it was Medic's medigun that did the trick. They begin their descent almost immediately after Spy said that.

"Uh, we're falling!" Scout begins to panic and grabs on to Heavy. "Come on, I don't want to die without respawn!" Heavy shakes off the Scout.

"Zho not worry everyone!" Medic equips his medigun. "Heavy and I know exactly vhat to do!" The Heavy, having successfully detached Scout off of him, gives Medic a thumbs up.

"I am ready doctor!" Medic and Heavy, who were talking to each other during the two hour flight, planned their landing procedure, but they didn't know that it would be over water, or having to wait this long.

"Everyone, sit on top of Heavy!" Everyone gave each other puzzled looks. "Zho not worry, it is perfectly safe!" Medic brings out his zapping medigun, which was ready to deploy an ubercharge. After a minute of awkward looks and awkward silence, everyone finally got onto Heavy, but not very safely. Heavy was the largest, and lying down was the best way to land. Scout got on his neck, which Heavy found painful. Sniper reluctantly sat on his right shoulder while Pyro eagerly sat on Heavy's left shoulder. The Engie also took some reluctance before finally sitting on Heavy's back.

Scout was the most stubborn, finally giving in to sitting on Heavy's waist and legs. Demoman took on his lower legs, Spy, Medic and Sniper all crammed into the torso area and arms, without barely any space leftover. Soldier was the only team member that filly refused to get on board. "As an American, I refuse to ride a communist ship," he holds his head up high, keeping his arms and legs straight, ready for the fall. Heavy just rolls his eyes.

"I take it everyone is ready," Medic announces, holding his medigun high, he charges Heavy. "GO!" Heavy tries his best to hold the weight and not to sink. The ubercharge prevents the fast water under his skin to cause any frictional damage. Water sprayed everywhere. "EVERYONE, HOLD ON TIGHT!" The glowing red Heavy battles the ongoing struggle to stay buoyant, but the cold water in his face distracted him, and the weight was unbearable.

Finally, the slightly drunken Demoman didn't take the loud water too well, and fell off. Heavy gave up, and all fall down, plunging into the cold water.

* * *

><p>Sounds of muffled screams and gasps for air, all from Scout, filled people's ears as they collect their bearings and swim to the surface. "Agh! Medic! I mean, Ma! Ah, someone! I'm drowning!" all of them, all treading on the water, watch as Scout's act of flailing and splashing was actually keeping him afloat. "Ahh! Someone! Heavy? I'm sorry for calling you a-" he dips down under the water before pushing back up to the surface, gasping for breath. "a-a fatass..." Heavy rolls his eyes again, knowing his apology is only sincere so Heavy could help him.<p>

"And Engie? I'm sorry for messing with ya...gizbots and whatnot..." tired of seeing Scout panicking and trying to apologize, Sniper comes from behind and holds him by the arms. "Ha! What? Get your hands off of- oh, Sniper. Thanks man, I owe you one..."

"You owe me more than that if you wanna get even with me," Sniper frowns. Scout is, as if by magic, now floating and treading normally.

"Yeah, well why would you even put your piss on a shelf anyways?"

"Why were you running around leaving cans of Bonk! and makin' a mess in the first place?"

"Because that's what Bonk! does."

"Because that's my standard."

"You use piss as a weapon; how is that a standard?"

"It's not the piss it's how I tidy things up and keeping things organized!"

"The only people that organize bodily fluids are doctors and Australian weirdos like you!"

"I'm not Australian..."

"And I'm not crazy for dropping the piss YOU shelved over your head in the first...place..." Scout's voice trails off as everyone looks in the sky. Soldier was flying down, and every RED teammate got out of the way except Scout.

"INCOMING!" Soldier's gravelly voice rings through the air as he slams on top of Scout, sending both of them a few feet deep underwater. Scout lifts Soldier off of him and swims back up to the surface, taking Soldier with him. Both finally surfacing, everybody looks back, all a good ten feet radius away from them.

"Hahaha!" Soldier laughs heartily, readjusting his helmet. "That was fun! Let's fly again!"

* * *

><p><strong>Well, they landed in San Diego. We'll see how this turns out. It's funny how Soldier came out just fine.<strong>

**Thanks anyways!  
>-DWalkthroughGuy<strong>


	3. It Actually Leads to Mexico

They all consider swimming to the nearest dock to get back to their jobs before they were literally blown away by the Demoman. They all got back to the docks, with barely anyone noticing thanks to the power of submerging. "Well, now that we're finally settled down..." Engineer glares at Demoman, who smiles sheepishly. His alcohol levels have returned to normal since they've began swimming. "I think we should think of heading back to the Upwards base. We didn't get enough time to...accommodate ourselves with the map there." The others agree.

"Do you think we can board train back to base?" Heavy suggests.

"Great idea, pardner. Let's find ourselves a train station," Engineer was about to get ready to walk out of the dock when he sees the Spy decloak, soaked in water.

"Do not forget about your espionage team member." Spy takes out his disguise kit to see his cigarettes have been waterlogged. "Merde! My cigarettes!" Spy curses.

"What took you so long?" Scout says. Spy smirks.

"Long distance swimming is not one of my best of arts," Spy replies, taking out his soggy cigarettes and throwing them in the dock's nearby trashcan. "Well, what is the plan now?"

"Engie was just sayin' how we could hitch a train back to the base," Scout explains. Spy nods in agreement.

"Not one of your worst plans yet, Engie," Spy remarks. "So have we yet found a train station?"

"We're about to go do so," Engineer responds, and with that they venture into the city in search of a train station. Luckily, it didn't take long for them to find one, as its rails ran through some of the intersections, leading them straight towards a train station. A few people looked at them since they were in all red and wore interesting outfits.

A young kid, about 13, runs up to the Scout. "Weeaboo," he spits, and runs away.

"Fatass," Scout yells back. Heavy looks at Scout.

"Did you say something?" Heavy asks. Scout looks at him.

"No, what do you mean?"

"You called me."

"No, I didn't. Hey look, there's a guide." They all crowd around the guide and look at the map of the train routes. It was only a local train, and didn't go far past city limits. "Hey, we're in San Diego!"

"We need a train that actually takes us places."

"Well, Engie, I'm not sure those kinds of trains exist anymore," Spy replies.

"Wait," Demoman begins. Everyone turns to him. "We could use a boat." Everyone stares at him.

"Wot?" Sniper says.

"We could use a boat, loop around to the Southern Californian Gulf and then get to Arizona, and then we can figure out the rest of the trip from there.

"And I zhought you vere sober..." Medic mumbles while burying his hand in his face. "Zhe unnecessary displacement vill take too much time I don't zhink zhis is a good idea-"

"Who is with me?" Demoman raises his hand high. Slowly, one by one, everyone except the reasonable Engineer and Medic raises their hand. What could go wrong with a little off-roading? "Then let's go!" Demoman leads the team as they follow him back to the San Diego bay docks.

Spy, Medic and Engineer stay behind. "This plan isn't bad either," Spy remarks, following his other teammates. Medic and Engineer sigh and reluctantly join the rest of RED.

* * *

><p>Demoman guides the rest of the team to the sea docks, except this time there were more birds and more boats. "Oi, what just happened?" Demo says to himself, observing the people.<p>

"Well, what's our plan now, cap'n?" Scout says.

"Wait, we don't have any money on us, and there's no way we're selling our weapons!" the reluctant Texan remarks. Demoman looks back at him.

"Ah, who said anything about money?"

Medic groans, "Mein Gott Demo..."

"Come on everyone, we steal a boat, and get out on time before the storm comes in!"

"Well, do you even know how to use a motorboat?" Scout doubts.

"Nah, just the classic, old fashioned pirate ships me mum used to tell me stories about."

"Wait, if she told you about it how did you learn how to use one?"

"She brought to me a live pirate exhibit."

"So?"

"I hijacked it." Scout and everyone else stays silent.

"Well, take a gander at that, mate!" Sniper stretches his arm to a long line leading to a wooden, pirate-themed ship.

"Now that's what I'm talkin' about!" Scout remarks.

"Wait! There are communists in that line!" Soldier warns as everyone runs toward it.

"We can't have people catch us holding weapons with these outfits," Engineer cajoles.

"Oh come on. If you were to see someone in a ninja costume with a katana, would you think he would even know how to use, let alone being it a real katana?" Scout replies a bit irritated.

"Well, we know how to use these weapons."

"Take an adventure will you?"

"Easy for you to say." Demoman stops everyone and motions for them to lower down to be level with the grass.

"Come on, let's get to the line before it lengthens!" Demoman rushes to the end of the line, which took two blocks.

"No, I'm not waiting in this!" Scout points to the long line that stretched two buildings. "I'd rather find out that Spy is my dad than wait in this long line!"

"Well, you see Scout-"

"Go to hell Spy," Scout says quickly, stomping to the end of the line, sulking like a little child who didn't get what he wanted for Christmas.

"Heavy will not."

"I wouldn't either, mate."

"Nein."

"I'm not standing in line with these communists!"

"I don't see how these civilians are communists," Engineer points out.

"Well, see? Some of them are distinctly wearing red!"

"We're all wearing red..." Soldier takes a look at everybody.

"I'll save us some time," Spy says, decloaking and disappearing. "In the meantime, all of you wait in line." The invisible Frenchman walks to the front of the line, cutting a little kid behind his parents. Spy takes a rock and throws it a bird behind him. Hitting it, the kid whirls back. Spy takes this opportunity to decloak. The noise wasn't as loud as he thought, and he feels something pull on his arm.

"What?"

"Sir? I was in front of you. And you can't smoke at the beach."

"Well you don't use 'and' at the beginning of a sentence," Spy retorts, not budging an inch.

"Mommy!" Spy rolls his eyes and sighs.

"Excuse me sir, but I believe you can't smoke on the beach, and my son was here first. Come on, Nathan," a woman motions for her son to move in front of her. The Spy cloaks as the Engie, fortunately without anyone watching. The Spy takes out his pistol, and, after making sure it's loaded, shoots in the air. Everyone now getting on the ground (except for the RED team who was standing at the back), Spy takes this opportunity and runs to the ship.

"Sir! Admission fee!" Spy shoots him between the eyes without hesitation.

"Agh! Police! Someone call the police!" The other people on the other side of the docks were screaming and shrieking.

"Come on, pardner!" Spy calls to the RED team after returning to his Engineer disguise. When the real Engie saw it, he made a face in disgust. All of them took out their weapons. Sirens signaled the oncoming police. All of them board the ship. "Y'all even sure if this ship is functioning?"

Demoman forgot to consider this, and shook his head. "Well let's hope it does!" Sniper climbs up to the Crow's Nest, immediately getting down on his scope.

"Well, we've got company!" he shouts.

* * *

><p><strong>Yes, this is one of my longest works for a single chapter, but this better be worth the time!<strong>

**Thanks anyways!  
>-DWalkthroughGuy<strong>


	4. Mmu mall mme-mmn-mmrce-mmnts?

"Come on! Let's go!" Demoman takes the wheel and whips out his sticky grenade launcher, shooting the latches connecting the ship to the ground. "Heavy! Pull in the anchor!"

"Where is anchor?" Police sirens grew progressively louder.

"At the bow!"

"Where is bow?!"

"At the front of the ship!" Heavy lumbers to the front of the ship to find the anchor cord. The Demoman triggers and detonates the bombs, releasing the ship from the bridge. Red and blue begin to reflect on the wooden boards. "We all ready?"

"You know I'm easily prone to sea sickness right?" Scout calls from the deck.

"I don't care! Get inside! I'll man the wheel and Sniper here will man the Crow's Nest!" everyone of them obeyed except for Engineer, who stopped by the doorframe of the ship to construct a sentry for the two. The storm that was anticipated from earlier was coming in, and the rain began pouring like buckets quickly, and cop cars stopped at the sand.

* * *

><p>"This is the police! Get out of the ship and put your hands in the air!" a police officer yells through a megaphone.<p>

"Well, of course it's the police..." Sniper mutters as he snipes the officer with the megaphone.

"He's using force! Get on!" Demoman rolls his eyes. No way he's letting foreigners on.

"Take this ya little lassies!" The Demo fires a round of grenades towards the oncoming policemen, glowing in the dark. Next was his sticky launcher, for the ship needed a little push to get going. The sails were up, and the winds were howling, but something was off.

Then he realized something. "Heavy! Did ya get the anchor?" There wasn't a response. "Heavy?" The Demoman waits for a response, but he didn't get one. "Oh for cryin' out loud..." He runs towards the bow of the ship to see a hunched Heavy looking for something.

"Demoman! I cannot find bow!" Heavy shouts through the rain.

"Its not the bow we're looking for it's the anchor!" Demoman holds up a thick rope. "Here! Pull this up!" Heavy realizes his blunder and immediately starts pulling up the heavy anchor. A gunshot from behind punctures one of the planks.

"You wankers better hurry it up down there or they'll get on! I can't hold them for long!" Sniper says as he fires his sub machine gun. Heavy grunts, the anchor sliding against the wooden wall of the ship.

"I'll help ya with that..." Demoman grabs onto the rope as well and, with a group effort, got it up faster than without the Scottish helping. Demoman grabs a hold of the wheel (after shooting another barrage of grenades at the police cars, causing one to explode) and turns it around, but something still was missing. There was something pulling down on the ship.

"Don't worry I got the chain..." Sniper takes his sniper and shoots at something below the ship. "There's a dang chain pulling on this thing!"

"Thank you m' lad!" And with that, the ship lurches forward, getting off the sandy rocks and onto the water like a ship is supposed to.

But the police weren't to let them get off the hook like that.

Motorboats that were way smaller than the pirate ship zoom across the bay waters. "Ha? Incoming!" Sniper calls from above, a crack of thunder roaring near. The water was rough and more choppy thanks to the storm, but the ship manages to turn around and gets ready to board when gunshots from the shore still sound, plus any bullets from the boats below.

"Here y'all go!" Engineer says from behind, pushing the sentry tear the Demoman. The Engineers takes some latches and clamps the machine straight into the ship, ensuring that it won't fly off.

"Thank you! Bring in some people, things are getting heated!" Demoman says to Engie. The Texan nods and returns to the insides of the ship to tell the others. Sniper gives Demoman a quick thumbs up as a way of saying thank you.

Demoman shoots back a thumbs up as Medic, Heavy and Soldier get outside, who were the only people that were willing enough to get out in the storm and risk getting killed without a respawn system working through them. Medic ensures that he will heal anyone that needs to be healed, and Soldier just needed to kill something.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile below the deck, the hard-working Engie was building a dispenser. Pyro said he was going to be a reinforcement for later, but he clearly didn't want to die by the tone of his voice. "Mmph-mph...mme-mmn-mmrce-mmnts..." He says to Engie.<p>

"Well, alrighty then. What about you two?" Engineer points at Scout and Spy.

"No," they say simultaneously. Engineer shrugs, picks up his wrench from the bench next to Pyro and gets back to upgrading his Dispenser.

"I honestly don't want to ruin my suit," Spy tells Scout.

"Don't wanna die without a respawn, is what. Those guys out the'e? They're crazy! What if they got shot, right?"

"Medic is out zhere with them," Spy retorts.

"You know what I mean," Scout says, laying his head back against the wall behind him. A rocket explodes a boat outside, making a significantly loud boom. "They're crazy."

* * *

><p>Back up the deck, the fight was getting serious. Most of the cops from the shore were too far away to fire anymore, so it was left to the boats to stop them. Red and blue flashed all over the place as the mercs kept fighting. "Doctor! Charge me!" Soldiers yells through the rockets.<p>

"Ja!" The German deploys the übercharge and lets Soldier go berserk. "Shoot at ze engines!" Medic recommends. Soldier nods silently in agreement and begins firing at the front of the boats. This method effectively detonated all of the ships he shot at.

The ship was getting ready to leave the bay when police boats lined up in a row to stop them. The charge went out, and a strike of lightning boomed in the distance as the weather didn't show signs of letting up any time sooner. "What do we do?" Sniper yells through the storm. "There're boats in the way!"

"Then we shoot 'em!" Gunshots blaze through the decks the ship, making it impossible to stand up without being shot. "Everyone shoot at the ships in front!"

"I'm low on ammo!" Heavy's distinct accent rings.

"We've got a dispenser right here!" Engineer calls from the doorframe off he ship. Heavy gladly smiles and crouch-walks to the ship door when suddenly something hits the ship, and everyone on it was jostled for a second.

"Vat was zat?" Medic called. Sniper takes a look downwards.

"They're shooting grenades at this!" Sniper reports.

"What?!" Demoman takes his grenade launcher, leaves the wheel wnd starts openly firing at the ocean. Two helicopters with bright lights circle the ship.

"Uh oh," Heavy says.

"Sniper! This is on you!" Demoman shouts, reloading his grenade launcher.

"I-I can't!"

"Waddya mean?"

"I mean this thing is jammed! It won't shoot! And I cant come down to get get this fixed, that'd be suicide!" Sniper replies, resorting to his SMG. "Wait this thing's out of ammo."

Soldier tries shooting at the helicopters, but they weren't accurate, if it was, it would merely be shot by snipers from the other helicopter, causing it to explode without hitting the aircraft. "We need backup!" Soldier yells in his gravelly voice.

Footsteps click through the wet woods boards as someone steps out of the ship deck.

"Mmu mall mme-mmn-mmrce-mmnts?" Pyro steps out with his flare gun.

* * *

><p><strong>Whoa. I don't think I've been that tense in writing since the third chapter of The Band.<strong>

**Happy MLK day!**

**Thanks anyways!**

**-DWalkthroughGuy**


	5. Tiramisu & Raspberry Cream Bostonian Pie

Pyro steps onto the deck, everyone stopping and staring at the asbestos-lined pyromaniac. He walks out, flare gun in hand, pointing it at one of the helicopters. "Mphke mmis!" Pyro, with everyone's eyes intently watching, fires a flare at his target. The sniper from the other helicopter can't shoot a fast moving flare, so he did his only other option: Fire at the attacker below.

Pyro hears the ignition of the target he hit, which was one of the snipers on one of the helicopters. "Mmph-mmph!" Pyro yells in celebration from within the mask and suit. The ignited man distracts the pilot, and even falls on the controls, messing up the direction and movement of the aircraft.

And just to their luck, the helicopter flies directly towards the other helicopter before its sniper could take Pyro out. Pyro puts his gloved hands in celebratory joy. "Mmph!" A bullet whizzes by him.

"Not to forget the boats," Sniper calls. "We gotta get rid of those!" The two collided helis spiral out of the air and onto the row of police boats in the bay exit, making an even bigger explosion. Boats from within the bay try to cut them off, but the wind was faster, carrying the ship farther away from the bay docks.

"Haha! We're free!" Demoman shouts, firing a few grenades in the air like fireworks.

"Heavy is not sure we are free yet!" Heavy says, clutching Sasha with both his hands, hiding it. No one was trying to shoot: Medic, Soldier and Heavy leaned against the wooden wall, avoiding the oncoming onslaughts rom the machine guns below. Sniper was hiding in his Crow's Nest, and Pyro already headed inside and did what he was sent out to do.

"Augh! This iz not good!" Medic calls. Demoman nods as bullets fly through the ship, puncturing holes in the sails and even some of the wooden planks. They were being carried out of the bay, finally, but the police helicopters that were coming weren't the only threats. The storm spurred up the beach, creating giant waves that are almost innavigable.

Engineer smacks the sentry to refill it's guzzling ammunition. "Errgh, not sure we can handle these by ourselves, Pyro!" Demoman says referring to the helicopters, their chopping blades making a significant, collective cacophony.

Engineer looks off to the side and says, "He ain't comin' out!" Engineer yells back through the rain.

"But we need ya, lad!" Demoman cajoles.

"Mm-mmph!" Pyro says. Engineer looks at the Demo and smiles.

"You heard the guy," Engineer says, fixing a broken part of his Dispener. Ropes fly down from three of the helicopters.

* * *

><p>"Heavy!" Demoman shouts. Heavy turns his head to the driver. "Shoot down those planes!"<p>

"What if I cannot?"

"It was worth a shot anyway!" Heavy obeys and begins firing Sasha towards one of the helicopters. A sniper billet whizzes to his stomach.

"Doctor!" Heavy says, nudging the Medic. The Medic nods and fires a beam of his medigun to the Heavy.

"YAAA!" Heavy cries, focusing intently on the engine. Heavy can see that it was effective and begins moving up to the windshields. The windshields shatter, and the helicopter hovers in the same spot.

Meanwhile, police forces slide down the ropes from the helicopters.

"Agh, we really need help now!" Demoman says, arming his bottle weapon.

Engineer walks to the Spy, Scout and Pyro who were arguing which cake flavor was the best. "Y'all best better give them some support, they're dying out there!" Pyro gets up without hesitation while Spy and Scout remained in their seats.

"Come on, you're not gonna help the teammates you've been with and have sacrificed their lives to keep this ship afloat?" Engineer persuades.

"Mmawberry," Pyro says, pointing at both Spy and Scout. He arms his flamethrower and runs into the heat of battle.

"No man Chocolate! Chocolate Cake!"

"Tiramisu is more elegant than a classic Chocolate Cake," Spy replies. Engineer rolls his eyes within his goggles.

"Guys-" Engineer is interrupted with Scout's retort.

"Oh yeah? Well prove that a chocolate is better than your Japanese "tiramisu" thing. What is it anyways?"

"Firstly, tiramisu is an Italian desert, you ignorant imbecile," Spy takes a drag of his cigarette. "Secondly, it's a coffee desert with a base of ladyfingers dipped in coffee with layers of-"

"Alright Francypants, now how is it better?"

"An eight year old can't do it out of a box," Spy retorts, smiling a bit. Engie smirks and chuckles. An explosion blows outside.

"Come on! We're dying out here!" Demoman calls into the ship.

"Well I'm heading out!" Engineer readjusts his helmet and takes his shotgun. "You guys better consider coming outside!' Engineer runs into the battle.

"No, not that chocolate..." Scout corrects. "You know, the Raspberry Cream...uh it's got chocolate on top..that's why I called it chocolate..."

"Raspberry Cream, Bostonian Pie with Chocolate Ganache?" Spy finishes, leaving Scout in shock.

"How did you-"

"You have out two thirds of its name, and I know you're from Boston."

"Well my mom used to makes it ALL the time and I gotta tell ya, EVERYONE loved it," Scout describes. "But I've never tried this Japa-"

"Italian."

"-yeah alright Italian, coffee desert thing." Another explosion blew and Solder flies into the doorway.

"Come on guys. JOIN THE FUN!" Soldier picks up his shotgun and runs back to the fray. "You little girls don't know how to fight!" He says faintly to the SWAT team.

"You should go check outside, Scout."

"Wuh- why me?"

"Because you don't have a hundred dollar suit that already got wet when I was swimming and I don't plan on eternally dying anytime sooner."

"I don't either!" Four rockets fly from the sentry. Spy thinks for a bit, trying to think of a compromise-negotiation.

"Alright, here's the deal," Spy leans in. "If you give me one good reason to think that Raspebrry Cream Bostonian Pie with Chocolate Ganache is better than Tiramisu, you go out. If you do, I'll go out," Spy says.

"No fair! You'll just say no so I can go out! Disagree!"

"Fine, lets go together right now," Spy takes his revolver, shining it in the lamplight.

"Wait you serious?"

"Yes, I am serious," Spy says while cloaking. Scout leans back against the wall.

"Well guess I don't wanna feel like a slacker..." Scout gets up, reluctantly grabbing his bag and scattergun and sets out for the fight.

Spy decloaks on the bench. "Glad he's gone..." Spy smirks, not a single drop of water on his suit.

* * *

><p><strong>The fight continues! This will be the final chapter of the sea fight, they'll beheading out for the actual sea soon. If you're bored, hold on just for a few more few minutes!<strong>

**Thanks anyways!**

**-DWalkthroughGuy**


	6. It's an order!

Scout looked at the intimidatingly ominous battle taking place in front of him. "Here goes nothing," he says, throwing his hat and headset back into the ship.

"Come on out!" Medic calls through the rain. "We need a little help!" SWAT teams rush down the ropes as more helicopters and boats fire bullets everywhere. Scout runs with his scattergun and takes out a helmet, blasting the head underneath it. Someone with an automatic shoots down Scout. Scout whips out his pistol and shoots him back, except he's dead.

"Medic!" Scout calls. Heavy and Medic were together as usual, with Medic behind the deck wall and Heavy shooting at the barrage of boats. Medic crawls to Scout to get just at the maximum distance, healing Scout.

"I could use some health, doc!" Engineer adds, hiding behind the main mast. Demoman hides behind with him as well.

"Ey doc!" Demoman says, blindly firing grenades behind him. Medic heals them for a little bit; not to full health, but enough to keep them standing for a while.

"Much obliged," Engineer says, getting up with his shotgun. Demoman thanks him as well, smashing his bottle on a helmet. Soldier was behind the frontal mast, avoiding snipers as he shot rockets at the helis they were perched in. Sniper was down at the ground, his kukri being his only functional weapon.

"Need some help here!" Soldier calls. He was the only one at the frontal deck. Everyone else was at the back or at the central mast. Pyro roasts an oncoming SWAT and air blasts a police rocket from the helicopter, blowing up the helicopter that shot it. He raises his flamethrower high, and does his standard taunt.

"No time for celebratin' there laddy," Demoman says, running to the wheel."Get this ship moving, that is an order!" Soldier barks. He takes his shotgun, shooting at the opponents as he joins the rest off the team. Scout observed everyone, but there was something missing. A grenade lands near him. He had no time to react, and it detonated right next to him. This sent him flying through the ship until he reached the wheel near the Demo.

"Mmout!" Pyro calls after him. He takes his axe and chops a SWAT about to shoot him. "Mmdic!" Pyro bends down to examine the damage. Just then, a SWAT shoots Pyro in the shoulder, sending him back. He groans in pain within the mask. Scout realizes what was missing.

"Where is Spy?" He mumbles out loud. The fighting sounded dull and fuzzy, while his vision was blurry and slow. Suddenly, Spy appears in his line of vision, his arm outstretched.

"Get up!" Scout holds out his arm, and Spy pulls him up.

"Where were you?" Scout says woozily. Spy shakes his head.

"It doesn't matter, we need to bring you inside, NOW!" Spy takes him under the arm and drags him to the inside of the ship, where Spy lays him down on the bench.

"Hold on a minute, I'd like to try something," Spy runs to a door Scout didn't see before, right past the benches that faced each other. Spy picks something up and puts it in a...cannon? He takes his cigarette lighter and lights the fuse.

Spy runs back, pulling out a medkit from underneath the bench. "Where-"

"Doesn't matter!" Spy gives Scout the medkit, healing him immediately.

"Augh..." Scout groans, getting ready to sit up.

"Non, lay down. You need to rest your head," Spy advises. Scout, too tired to retort, obeyed and lay back down on the hard wooden bench. "I will cover for you." Spy reloads his revolver, shoots a SWAT from within the ship and then runs backs into the heat of battle.

* * *

><p>The boat begins to turn, getting ready to leave the bay once and for all. Scout smiles in relief. That took them a while. Everyone begins to file inside, the only person missing being Demoman. "I'll build a dispenser, everyone take a rest. Medic, heal them up," Engineer takes out his PDA (which was flickering due to the immense amount of water inside of it) and takes out a box, placing it down and upgrading a dispenser.<p>

Soldier is the last one inside, holding his helmet. Everyone was wet, cold and certain, tired from the fight. The two lamps that hung on the wall, which lit up the entire inside of the ship, were shaking like crazy as rockets landed on the ship, most likely trying to kill the Demoman, who was the only one outside, trying to drive the ship. Engineer finishes fully upgrading the dispenser and heaves it forward.

"Here Demo!" Engie says, immediately running back inside. Demoman was having a tough time trying to see through the rain, which was not only pelting his face, but collectively blocking out the view in front of it. "Oi! This Storm is a real monster!" The helicopters were barely visible apart from the lights, and the red and blue weren't visible from the boats; the storm had hit it's peak.

"There is many boat out there!" Heavy remarks, peering through the cannon window, which was placed, obviously, right next to a cannon. The ship had four cannons on each side, with windows next to each one. The masts from above went directly through them, but other than that the whole ship was empty. Spy got the gunpowder from his gun, and he saw a pile of iron cannonballs in a corner, which still remains, and is held within a crate to prevent it from rolling around everywhere.

Holes from explosions and bullets were scattered everywhere on the ship, which were made even more conspicuous by the water leaking through them. There were still some holes on the side of the boat, but not too many. There was especially one giant hole at the bow of the ship, most likely caused by some of the rockets the helicopters shot.

And, after a minute of huddling at the benches waiting for the storm to stop, some lightning flashed, rain kept on pouring, thunder cracked, and what seemed like eternity, the sounds of choppers and boats disappeared. At first, the noise of the storm was too loud to notice it, but after a few minutes, when the storm began to die down, the mercs realize that there really isn't any police force.

"What-what happened to police?" Heavy says. He gets up from the bench, goes down the stairs into the inner ship and peers through one of the glass windows. The rain turned into a slight drizzle, and the wind calmed down a bit as well. "There is no more police!" At the sound of Heavy, everyone runs down and looks through both sides of the window.

The only sight visible is the sea.

* * *

><p><strong>Well the fight is over, at least for a long long time! Don't worry though, the police will be gone for a long while, so you can calm down.<strong>

**Thanks anyways!**

**-DWalkthroughGuy**


	7. Spy's 50 Euro Lighter

Everyone, baffled by the immediate disappearance of the police forces, weren't sure to be happy or scared. Maybe the police is coming after them, or maybe they're going after them right now! Even if they weren't they were to get them for sure, and they would know exactly what to do.

"I think zhat storm shook zhem off," Medic suggests. The others could only stare at the empty ocean. There was no sight of any land as far as their eyes could see.

"Where are we now?" Sniper asks the team, stepping out into the sun. There were blue skies and thin clouds dispersed and bunched in groups. The water is blue and deep, suggesting that they're far from the shore.

"Demo!" Sniper outstretches his arms and gives a big bear hug to the explosives expert. "Glad you're okay, buddy!" Demoman smiles back.

"That storm was a real doozy!" Demoman remarks. Others step out of the ship, not only glad that Demoman was still in one piece, but that they were free from the police. There's only one downside to it.

"Where, are we?!" Sniper yells into the deep blue sky. The others look off to the distance. They truly are in the middle of nowhere.

* * *

><p>The ship floats into a southern direction, as indicated by the direction of the Sun, so they were moving in the right direction.<p>

"Now it's a matter of getting to land!" Demoman says to himself. "Wherever it is!"

"Well, because we're heading south, I reckon we should try moving to the east," Engineer recommends.

"Yes, I have turned the wheel, and it is moving southeast, thank you very much," Demoman replies, looking off into the distance. Engineer wasn't sure if that was a sincere thank you or a sarcastic one.

"Well, I'm hungry," Scout says, walking into the scene. Heavy walks in with him.

"I bring unlimited sandvich regeneration," Heavy states, handing Scout a half sandwich.

"Thanks," Scout eagerly takes the sandwich, chewing it gratefully.

"I got Bonk!, but I'm sure not everyone is into that," Scout holds up a can of Bonk!, popping it open and taking a long drink.

"We need a pot, a rock and a can," Engineer recalls. "I can make a simple fresh water maker."

"Well well, if it isn't the sun," Spy walks out of the ship, seeing the sun for the first time. The rest of the team were lounging around on the ship. Medic joins the group.

"We should go check for supplies," Engineer says, walking back inside of the large pirate ship. Scout decides to follow him in as well, sandwich and Bonk! all held in one hand. After fifteen minutes of quick rummaging within the ship, they didn't really find much that was useful. It was intended to be a pirate exhibit, however.

"Vell, any luck?" Medic asks, Engineer and Scout coming back from their search. Scout swirls his can around to check the contents. Deeming it was empty, he throws it off of the ship. Heavy frowns in resent and the sight of environmental littering, but he doesn't question it.

"Nah. All we found were empty boxes, hay and this," Engineer holds up a crate filled with sticks of dynamite. "It's probably not real dynamite."

"We should try it out," Scout blurts. Heavy, Demo, Engie and Medic look at him.

"Why would they put real dynamite in a pirate exhibit?" Engie inquires. Scout shrugs.

"Could be useful."

"Leetle man is right. What if we get in big trouble again? We can use dynamite to blow up enemy," the Russian heavy weapons expert adds.

"He-hey, see? This guy agrees with me!"

"But how are we gonna light it?" Demoman questions. Scout holds up his index finger.

"I know just the guy." Scout runs to the Spy, who was smoking a cigarette while looking off at the endless ocean horizon. "Yo Frenchie!"

"Go away," Spy says, taking a long drag from his cigarette, exhaling a big puff of smoke. He bought the cigarettes on the way back from the train station to substitute the watery ones he soaked when he was swimming.

"We need your lighter." Spy turns to face Scout.

"And why is that?"

"Well Engie found this crate of dynamite and we wanna test out one of the sticks to see if they worked," Scout explains.

"Non."

"Oh come on, we'll throw it before it explodes!"

"Non."

"Come on don't be a party pooper!"

"I think not."

"Please?"

"Non!" Scout digs around for something to bribe Spy.

"Okay, I'll admit it." Spy turns again, a lopsided half-grin on his face.

"Go on."

"Tiramisu, is better, than raspberry-cream-Bostonian-pie-with-chocolate-ganache..." Spy smiles.

"Alright." Spy takes out his disguise kit and takes out his lighter. "But this is my ONLY lighter, I am trusting you NOT to lose it!" Scout was already at the other side of the ship.

"Yeah yeah I'll take care of it!"

"It cost me 50 Euros for that one lighter-"

"Yeah okay thanks!"

* * *

><p>"Hey look what I got!" Scout shows the fancy lighter to the group.<p>

"Does it work?" Engie asks. Scout nods.

"It's Spy's." Everyone's eyebrows went up.

"Spy's?!" Demoman says in shock. "If he catches ya stealin' THAT you'd be burger meat!"

"Relax, he let me borrow it just for this." The others were still a little hesitant. They all knew how expensive of a lighter it was.

"Alright, here's the dynamite stick. Now light it, and throw it off the ship, got it?" Engineer instructs. Scout nods in excitement. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah yeah just hand me a stick!"

"Alright," Engineer takes a six-inch stick of dynamite from the crate tucked underneath his arm and hands it to Scout. Scout holds the fuse near the lighter and gets ready to flip it open.

"Be careful with dynamite!" the Russian warns.

"Actually, I think I should do it-" Demoman interrupts, but it was too late. Scout flicks open the lighter, but his thumb got in the way of the flame.

"Ow!" he drops both the lighter and the lit dynamite, and the lighter slides off of the floorboards into the water.

"Agh!" Medic panics.

"See? I told ya!" Demoman swiftly picks up the dynamite and tosses it in the water. "Don't worry it's gone now. Wait, where's the lighter?" Heavy, Medic, Engie and Scout's eyes all fell on the lighter, which falls into the water.

"No!" they say in unison. The dynamite falls in the water near it, but it was waterproof.

"No no no! We need that lighter!" Scout panics like the Medic. Demoman eyes the fuse.

"It's gunna blow!" Everyone backs away from the ledge. A quick explosion indicates the detonation of the dynamite, some water splashing up.

"The lighter, the lighter, the lighter!" Scout frantically gets back to the ledge, holding the wooden railing in search of the lighter floating in the water. Spy's expensive lighter is supposed to float in the water, but he couldn't spot it anywhere. "Crap! Where's the lighter?!" The others look as well, but not as frantically and look casually with their eyes.

"Yep," Demoman says. "Yer dead."

* * *

><p><strong>Yep. Scout is definitely screwed.<strong>

**Thanks anyways!**  
><strong>-DWalkthroughGuy<strong>


	8. Beginner Level

Sniper smirks his lopsided smile as he aims down his scope, peering through the lens. "Wait for just a second," Engineer puts up his hand before Soldier gets ready to severely ravage the oncoming ships. "We don't have to bring violence into this. Maybe we can talk this through-"

"GO KILL 'EM!" Demoman fires a round of grenades towards the left boat, sliding across the wooden floor. They detonate, sending some of the crew members flying. Smiling, Demoman reloads his grenade launcher, preparing for another rain of terror. RED springs into action, the Pyro, Scout and Soldier take on the closest boat, the one to the left. Soldier rocket jumps while Pyro and Scout bravely leap across the gap between the two ships.

"Ya!" cries Medic, following Heavy with a trail of health. Spy joins the two as they jump onto the other ship to the right. Heavy almost falls off, only to be quickly helped up by the Medic. The Engie and Sniper stay behind on the home ship, holding down the fort. Demoman on the other hand, followed Medic, Heavy and Spy onto the right ship, abandoning his role as a ship driver.

Pyro blasts the main mast with fire, igniting it in a matter of seconds. The flames slowly climb up the wooden pole as it sets the sails ablaze.

* * *

><p>"Get on back here, all of you!" Engineer calls through the gunfire. "There's no respawn on this thing! I don't want y'all dying, now!" They all continue their onslaught as they ignore Engineer's stern warning. Scout sprays an opponent Scout with his Force-a-Nature, sending him flying backwards. Pyro's fire ignites the rest of the wooden floor, prompting Soldier's attention.<p>

"THIS, SHIP, IS ON FIRE!" he screams, rocketing himself away from the blaze. Pyro follow Soldier, and Scout double jumps (and, propelling himself with his scattergun) gets out of the wreckage after Soldier. The RED Ship was beginning to move away from the enemy ship, leaving Pyro trapped within the burning inferno.

"Well, at least his suit is fire proof," Scout says from the RED ship. Soldier yells,

"WATCH OUT FOR THE GUY DIRECTLY BEHIND YOU!" Pyro whirls around, only to see the head of a Demoman holding a sword up get blown out courtesy of the RED Sniper, waving from his Crow's nest. Pyro waves back, arming his shotgun to take any more intruders.

* * *

><p>Luckily for the Demo, the crowd here wasn't too difficult. He blew open a door that led to the inside of the ship, in which he found an Eyelander to use. He finished the remaining Scrumpy and threw it at an aggressive Scout running towards him, only to be detonated by the Demo's grenade launcher. The Scot ran into the inside of the ship, mercilessly blowing up the crew and leaving large holes within the ship's wooden interior.<p>

The fragile frame began to creak as Heavy takes shelter behind the central mast of the ship, avoiding the bullets flying past him. "Medic! Charge me!" he says through the blazing guns. The unlicensed doctor checks the Ubercharge meter, which was set at a dissatisfying 67%.

"Not yet ready!" he shouts back, the gunshots getting progressively louder. Heavy opens up to the crewmen, opening fire with his stock minigun. Wiping out entire clusters with a simple spray, a bullet finally smashed through the side of his neck, leaving him on the ground. Dazed, he feels the strength of the team Medic pull him back to cover. "Nein!"

The Medic encounters a hasty Heavy on his back, trying to bring him down. The Medic in turn bonesaws him in the neck, releasing the strong grip from the Russian. With the help of his syringe gun and numerous thrusts of his bonesaw, the Medic was able to hold off the rest of the crew members that decided to kill him and heal the original RED Heavy before he bled out.

"Zhat was a close one! Hopefully zhat won't happen agai-" the ship shook the two, shaking them around for a bit. The side on the left violently tilted downwards, pulling Medic, Heavy and everyone in the ship to the left.

Back below the deck, Demoman smiles as his stickybombs made a gigantic hole on the side of the ship, and some at the very bottom, allowing some water to rush in. There weren't too many crew members left, and those that were still alive were spared as they hurriedly panic towards the lifeboats. Demoman knew he had to get out himself as well. Climbing back up the stairs, he sees the Demoman with the Persian Persuader from earlier, his black uniform distinctly recognizable even to a clone that was exactly like the RED Demoman.

"I'm gonna rip yer throat out just like I said I would!" the RED Demoman frowns in return, flashing out his Eyelander just in time.

* * *

><p>"Let's go help those guys!" Scout runs towards the other boats as the crew on the burning ship begin to panic, jumping off with boats and buoyant planks of wood.<p>

"Your chances of death are even higher-" Engineer was interrupted by Soldier's rocket jump explosion, who sent the American sailing in the air. He whips out his shovel, mauling one in the face hard enough to knock that crew member off the boat.

"Ha ha! America!" Soldier runs around with his Black Box, constantly firing in random directions in hopes of blowing off some of the crew members. By the time RED easily plowed through the crew members without much effort, the thought-to-be o.W.n pirate jumps off the ship to join the rest of his crew (that managed to survive the fight) and float away in the ocean.

* * *

><p>"That'll teach 'em!" the RED Demo peers over the deck to watch them float away, ashamed of their big defeat. Scout looks over the deck with the Demoman, now the rest of the team joins them as they watch them drift away from the boat cluster. The boat that was burning eventually capsized and sank on its own.<p>

"Ha ha, yeah! Good job, everyone! That's right, ya nasty, halfwit, pathetic, weak-handed, stupid, wrinkled, chucklenut-" a Sniper on one of the boats shot at Scout, barely whizzing by him. It grazed his cheek, leaving a painful gash. "Ah! WHAT WAS THAT FOR, YA PICKLEHEADED-" Heavy restrains Scout as he lashes out his lanky arms at the giggling Sniper.

"We must heal leetle Scout," Heavy states calmly, sitting him down on a crate. It was odd how the ship they were on and the ship they were originally boarding had very similar items. Were those guys actual pirates and the San Diego exhibit was a replica of REAL PIRATE SHIPS? The Medic takes out his medigun and quickly doses Scout a quick burst of health, sealing the wounds shut. Scout feels the spot the wound was at.

"Hey! I feel a scar here! Chicks'll dig it-" Medic fires another beam, this time causing the mark to dissipate. "What?! That could've been useful!" Everyone walks away, picking up some food supplies they found within the ship.

"I'm pretty sure getting rejected by girls is not the best utilization of flesh wounds..." Medic remarks, following Heavy back to the ship Engie himself maneuvered to line up with the other ship.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay. It didn't end the way I wanted it to, with a little edge of anticipation for the next chapter and a cliffhanger, but at least it ended properly. Let's all give a TOAST (subliminal bread reference) to the RED's victory!<strong>

**Thanks anyways!  
>-DWalkthroughGuy<strong>


	9. One Helluva Fight

Sniper smirks his lopsided smile as he aims down his scope, peering through the lens. "Wait for just a second," Engineer puts up his hand before Soldier gets ready to severely ravage the oncoming ships. "We don't have to bring violence into this. Maybe we can talk this through-"

"GO KILL 'EM!" Demoman fires a round of grenades towards the left boat, sliding across the wooden floor. They detonate, sending some of the crew members flying. Smiling, Demoman reloads his grenade launcher, preparing for another rain of terror. RED springs into action, the Pyro, Scout and Soldier take on the closest boat, the one to the left. Soldier rocket jumps while Pyro and Scout bravely leap across the gap between the two ships.

"Ya!" cries Medic, following Heavy with a trail of health. Spy joins the two as they jump onto the other ship to the right. Heavy almost falls off, only to be quickly helped up by the Medic. The Engie and Sniper stay behind on the home ship, holding down the fort. Demoman on the other hand, followed Medic, Heavy and Spy onto the right ship, abandoning his role as a ship driver.

Pyro blasts the main mast with fire, igniting it in a matter of seconds. The flames slowly climb up the wooden pole as it sets the sails ablaze.

* * *

><p>"Get on back here, all of you!" Engineer calls through the gunfire. "There's no respawn on this thing! I don't want y'all dying, now!" They all continue their onslaught as they ignore Engineer's stern warning. Scout sprays an opponent Scout with his Force-a-Nature, sending him flying backwards. Pyro's fire ignites the rest of the wooden floor, prompting Soldier's attention.<p>

"THIS, SHIP, IS ON FIRE!" he screams, rocketing himself away from the blaze. Pyro follow Soldier, and Scout double jumps (and, propelling himself with his scattergun) gets out of the wreckage after Soldier. The RED Ship was beginning to move away from the enemy ship, leaving Pyro trapped within the burning inferno.

"Well, at least his suit is fire proof," Scout says from the RED ship. Soldier yells,

"WATCH OUT FOR THE GUY DIRECTLY BEHIND YOU!" Pyro whirls around, only to see the head of a Demoman holding a sword up get blown out courtesy of the RED Sniper, waving from his Crow's nest. Pyro waves back, arming his shotgun to take any more intruders.

* * *

><p>Luckily for the Demo, the crowd here wasn't too difficult. He blew open a door that led to the inside of the ship, in which he found an Eyelander to use. He finished the remaining Scrumpy and threw it at an aggressive Scout running towards him, only to be detonated by the Demo's grenade launcher. The Scot ran into the inside of the ship, mercilessly blowing up the crew and leaving large holes within the ship's wooden interior.<p>

The fragile frame began to creak as Heavy takes shelter behind the central mast of the ship, avoiding the bullets flying past him. "Medic! Charge me!" he says through the blazing guns. The unlicensed doctor checks the Ubercharge meter, which was set at a dissatisfying 67%.

"Not yet ready!" he shouts back, the gunshots getting progressively louder. Heavy opens up to the crewmen, opening fire with his stock minigun. Wiping out entire clusters with a simple spray, a bullet finally smashed through the side of his neck, leaving him on the ground. Dazed, he feels the strength of the team Medic pull him back to cover. "Nein!"

The Medic encounters a hasty Heavy on his back, trying to bring him down. The Medic in turn bonesaws him in the neck, releasing the strong grip from the Russian. With the help of his syringe gun and numerous thrusts of his bonesaw, the Medic was able to hold off the rest of the crew members that decided to kill him and heal the original RED Heavy before he bled out.

"Zhat was a close one! Hopefully zhat won't happen agai-" the ship shook the two, shaking them around for a bit. The side on the left violently tilted downwards, pulling Medic, Heavy and everyone in the ship to the left.

Back below the deck, Demoman smiles as his stickybombs made a gigantic hole on the side of the ship, and some at the very bottom, allowing some water to rush in. There weren't too many crew members left, and those that were still alive were spared as they hurriedly panic towards the lifeboats. Demoman knew he had to get out himself as well. Climbing back up the stairs, he sees the Demoman with the Persian Persuader from earlier, his black uniform distinctly recognizable even to a clone that was exactly like the RED Demoman.

"I'm gonna rip yer throat out just like I said I would!" the RED Demoman frowns in return, flashing out his Eyelander just in time.

* * *

><p>"Let's go help those guys!" Scout runs towards the other boats as the crew on the burning ship begin to panic, jumping off with boats and buoyant planks of wood.<p>

"Your chances of death are even higher-" Engineer was interrupted by Soldier's rocket jump explosion, who sent the American sailing in the air. He whips out his shovel, mauling one in the face hard enough to knock that crew member off the boat.

"Ha ha! America!" Soldier runs around with his Black Box, constantly firing in random directions in hopes of blowing off some of the crew members. By the time RED easily plowed through the crew members without much effort, the thought-to-be o.W.n pirate jumps off the ship to join the rest of his crew (that managed to survive the fight) and float away in the ocean.

* * *

><p>"That'll teach 'em!" the RED Demo peers over the deck to watch them float away, ashamed of their big defeat. Scout looks over the deck with the Demoman, now the rest of the team joins them as they watch them drift away from the boat cluster. The boat that was burning eventually capsized and sank on its own.<p>

"Ha ha, yeah! Good job, everyone! That's right, ya nasty, halfwit, pathetic, weak-handed, stupid, wrinkled, chucklenut-" a Sniper on one of the boats shot at Scout, barely whizzing by him. It grazed his cheek, leaving a painful gash. "Ah! WHAT WAS THAT FOR, YA PICKLEHEADED-" Heavy restrains Scout as he lashes out his lanky arms at the giggling Sniper.

"We must heal leetle Scout," Heavy states calmly, sitting him down on a crate. It was odd how the ship they were on and the ship they were originally boarding had very similar items. Were those guys actual pirates and the San Diego exhibit was a replica of REAL PIRATE SHIPS? The Medic takes out his medigun and quickly doses Scout a quick burst of health, sealing the wounds shut. Scout feels the spot the wound was at.

"Hey! I feel a scar here! Chicks'll dig it-" Medic fires another beam, this time causing the mark to dissipate. "What?! That could've been useful!" Everyone walks away, picking up some food supplies they found within the ship.

"I'm pretty sure getting rejected by girls is not the best utilization of flesh wounds..." Medic remarks, following Heavy back to the ship Engie himself maneuvered to line up with the other ship.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay. It didn't end the way I wanted it to, with a little edge of anticipation for the next chapter and a cliffhanger, but at least it ended properly. Let's all give a TOAST (subliminal bread reference) to the RED's victory!<strong>

**Thanks anyways!  
>-DWalkthroughGuy<strong>


	10. LAND AHOY!

The RED steals some supplies from the only ship standing before boarding their own and floating off to the southwest, or so they thought they were. The clouds became overcast, and it was dark at night. They couldn't see the moon, so they head the same direction they were pointed towards, praying that it's the right way.

"So, what do you all reckon we do while we sail down here?" Engineer asks everyone as they all sit in the central area around the mast as everyone is situated in a circle.

"We gotta tell some stories," Scout suggests.

"That ain't as bad of an idea.."

"Did I tell you about the time I dominated those Nazis in Warsaw-"

"You've told us this same story like fifty times, Soldier..." Scout replies.

"Da. What about Russian family tree?"

"Don't feel like sitting through an hour-long genealogy of your family..."

"Ha, I remember those Texan nights where I'd sit back and tell stories to my family, back and forth., for as long as we'd stay up," Engineer comments. "Actually, I've got a story for y'all."

Scout leans in. "Alright. Go ahead!"

"There was once a sentry of mine, his name was Beep, I guess. He was a buggy little one, and he would'nt upgrade past level two, so that's why he was so distinct. But with that bug came an advantage: Beep was fast!

"And as I would do, I brought him out to the heat of the fight, the place you'd put a mini-sentry. He would track down and shoot every single Scout or Sniper and rocket and grenade around him. Heck, he was so fast, my dispenser would run dr shortly after a killing spree!

"Beep was a good sentry until one day-"

"BLU Spy runs in, backstabs you, saps the sentry and you come back with your wrench but it's too late."

"OHH! ALWAYS SAY SPOILER ALERT!" Soldier ruptures, nearly whipping out his shotgun and blowing Scout's head off.

"What? It was kind of obvious. That's how all off urb sentry stories end. Neither that or you abandon it because it was under too much fire or it was blown up by a an übercharged Demo slash Soldier slash Heavy." Engineer rubs his chin.

"Are my stories really that generic?" Medic nods and agrees, soon followed by Sniper, Demoman from the wheel and Spy. The rest were neither asleep or weren't paying attention. "Huh."

* * *

><p>Everyone quickly sleeps before rising back up again to the ocean waves. "Vhere ARE ve?" Medic asks, looking out to the ocean.<p>

"Oi! Looks like a storm be brewin' up there!" Demoman points to the dark gray clouds ahead, looming over the ship.

"Well, I'd agree!" Sniper calls from the top of his Crow's nest which he's declared "his territory". "Seems to me well have to make a plan about you, Demoman!"

"Huh? Waddya mean?"

"He means yer gonna have to join the rest of us back on inside while keeping the ship steady." Engie clarifies, taking off his helmet before going into the ship.

"What?! Are ye drunk, lad?" Demoman looks back at Sniper. "I'm not letting ye pull me apart from me wheel!"

"LAND AHOY!" Sniper yells.

"Agh. Did he get to my Scrumpy stash?" The demolitions expert leaves his post to go climb the rope ladder to Sniper, who was using his scope as a telescope.

"See fer yerself mate!" Demoman thought Sniper was drunk, but he could see an island too.

"Are me eyes deceivin' me?" Demoman lowers the scope as he runs back into the ship. "Lads! There's land ahead!" Everyone cheers.

"How far away is land?" Heavy inquires, rubbing a scratch that got on Sasha somehow. The Demo shrugs.

"Won't be long. Just have this storm comin' up..." the Scottish exits the ship and gets back outside with Sniper, who was climbing down the ladder. "What're ya doin' , lad?"

"I'm gettin' inside! No way I'm stayin' out here in the rain like this!" the wind began to pick up as Sniper holds his hat down with his hand as his other hand held his sniper rifle. He makes it inside the ship without looking back.

"Well I guess it's just me and you, eh?" shouts the Demo. He looks up at the gray cumulonimbus clouds integrating above him. "I'll make it to the island, I'll show 'em!" Waves began to pick up as the wind blew harder against the ship. "Oi! Can one of ye help me lower the sails?!" he calls into the ship, no reply. "Hey! The winds are pickin' up I can't lower tha sails by myself!" Still no answer. "Agh ya bloody..."

Demoman reluctantly begins the task of bringing down the sails, which were really blowing the ship backwards. His first task were bringing down the main sails, as those were the most influential. One by one, he brought down the sails as the storm grew progressively more powerful. Medic calls from the doorframe, "Demoman! You need to get inside!"

"Well you need to get yer butt over here and help me!" Demoman struggles to pull on a rope as thunder cracks in the distance. "We might've lost track of the island by now!" Medic was hesitant at first, but he eventually gives in to help the struggling Scottish. "Ay, thanks lad! Now one, two, three, PULL!" they pull on a rope to bring the sail down as the wind resists the sail from getting pulled down. Lightning flashes and thunder rumbles as the two struggle to bring down the final main sails, leaving the three smaller ones below the main ones.

Eventually, after realizing that Medic has been out way too long, the team eventually looks out to see the two bringing down the masts. "Hey, a little hand here?" Scout runs out into the storm to help the two. Then Heavy joins in, then Pyro, then Soldier, then the entire team. The final main sail was simply not wanting to come down. After heaving and pulling, the sail finally comes down and the team quickly run back inside of the ship.

That is, except for Demoman.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry for this unusually long period of having to update this! I just started a new story AND had a bout of writer's laziness that may or may not have contributed to the lack of bread release.<strong>

**Well at least I got this out.**

**Thanks anyways!**

**-DWalkthroughGuy**


	11. Emotionally consumed, Communist loafer

Demoman tightly clings onto the wheel of the ship as the wind and rain nearly cause him to tumble and lose control of the ship. The storm was closing in on the island as well as the boat as it rocks back and forth very violently. "Oi! Ain't ya gonna come back in 'ere, mate?!" Sniper practically shouts through the gusts. Demoman looks back, furrows his eyebrows and shakes his head.

"Nah! I'm stickin' onto this lassy until we capsize! This was my dream job, ya know!" Demoman looks back in front of him and looks back at the doorframe of the ship to tell Sniper a story only to see he disappeared into the ship. "Agh! Never mind all ye wusses! I'll stay out here savin' yer butts and ye'll thank me when we come back to shore aliv- OOF!" Something hits the ship, causing a violent enough of a jolt to snap Demoman's grip off of the steering wheel.

"What in the name of-" Demoman backs into a corner to see a looming ship that essentially crashed into the RED boat. Shrapnel nearly detached and flew off the sides of the RED ship if it were to hit the walls slightly harder. "Oi! Lads! We got company!"

* * *

><p>Heavy peers out of the doorframe and sees the mysterious, anonymous boat. "Da! We have incoming pirate man!" Demoman looks at him weirdly.<p>

"What are ye talkin' about, Heavy? Can't ya see that-" The boards of the wood sound as someone steps on the ship. Demoman turns around, quickly whisking out his Eyelander he collected to see another Demoman just like him, except he had both eyes and wielded Scottish Skullcutter instead.

"Hey there lad! You think ya have a right invadin' OUR own island, eh?!" he shouts through the storm in an identical accent as the RED Demoman's.

"Ah...no! We don't want trouble alright?" Demoman sheaths his Eyelander and puts his hands up. "We've had enough fightin' for a day..."

"Well, why didn't ya say so, lad? We won't hurt ye! Come, come! We gotta get ye on to shore!" The other Demo was urging the RED Demo to follow him onto the other ship.

"Wait!" The RED Demo holds up his index finger, signaling him to wait. He runs inside the ship to tell the others. "Come on laddies! We got us some safety! Let's ditch this ship for now!" The others were a little hesitant about Demoman's idea.

"Ah...are you sure zhis is not like zhe other enemies we have so lovingly tumbled with today?" Spy asks skeptically, almost certain that the seemingly friendly Demo was a Spy.

"No, we have to go on the island before the storm gets worse!" Demoman urges as he knows that the stranger is probably waiting outside in the rain. Scout holds out his hand as he feels the water streaming out of a leak through the wooden boards above.

"Yeah sure. Maybe there's some sexy pirate chicks there too." Scout slings the bag he always wears and flips his bat in the air, catching it skilfully.

"Alright, everyone. We all know we have to go..." Engineer announces, eliciting a reluctant groan from everyone. "...that is if you don't want to drown in your sleep on this ship!" he snaps, silencing the whiny teammates. They all pick up whatever they left on the ship and shuffle out the door.

"We'll fix zhis zhing, correct?" Medic inquires Engie, who doesn't respond. The German looks at the numerous leaks on the ceiling, more fearful of Archimedes' health. The little dove was hidden within the doctor's lab coat the whole time, flying away for short distances to avoid things such as gunfire and heavy rain. It was only when the Medic bent down to look for Spy's lighter Scout dropped did he notice something within his clothing something was trapped and wanted to be free.

Demoman steps out onto the slick boards outside to meet the stranger. "Ah! I see you got a crew thar!"

"Eh. Just me teammates is all. Now where can we go?" the Demo asks, nearly slipping on the moist wooden floor.

"Follow me!" the other Demo leads RED over to the looming ship they spotted earlier and walked on the island.

* * *

><p>Even in the heavy, pouring rain, there weren't too many patches of mud scattered throughout the grassy landscape. It was simply a circle of buildings surrounding a plaza of grassless dirt (which was now mostly mud due to the storm). All of the places around it were neither rocky shores which were at the bottom of deep dropoffs at the island edge or docks. The space in between was grass with a few paths leading to those docks. The overall land area was moderate; a perfect location in the ocean for a rest stop for boats.<p>

"Mphere rr mphe mmphest-mphrooms?" Pyro mumbles, asking their new Demo guide.

"The restrooms are in the saloon, my friend!" the Demo points towards a rickety-looking wooden building. On it was a large sign with "SALOON" in Ye Olde West typeface. Even the building theme, just by looking at it, had a Western look. Pyro grins within his optical mask and dashes for it quickly.

He opens the double doors into the loud bar environment. The way the saloon was set up definitely made it look like a Western building, but the people in it were not. As Pyro (or anyone else, really) would have expected, they were all TF2 clones of some sort; the only difference being are their weapons and cosmetics they were sporting.

Scanning the room, Pyro finally spots the restroom and eagerly runs to it, mumbling "Excuse me" as he bumps into chairs.

* * *

><p>"So, where is RED team staying?" Heavy asks anxiously, anticipating a relaxing, quiet bed where he can lay in and think about the recent events.<p>

"There's an inn just across from here. I'm sure they can fit nine of yer teammates. Um, including your Pyro friend," the Demo nods to the saloon, who Pyro has been in for about fifteen minutes.

* * *

><p>Pyro was washing his hands and getting ready to leave as he sees someone familiar. He shuts the faucet and takes a good look at him as he talks to a Scout wearing black attire. "Hmm..." Pyro hums within his suit. He raises his finger with an idea and rushes outside of the saloon (after running back and getting his gloves before he forgets) to go find the rest of his team.<p>

"Pyro! Over 'ere!" Pyro looks around the plaza as the double doors behind him close as he spots RED Scout waving both of his arms.

"Hmph! MphI mphff mpheen mmphmphng mphu mphll mphot mpphlieve!" Pyro says to Scout, who raises an eyebrow.

"Well then, let's go tell the rest of the team what you saw." Scout escorts Pyro to a quaint little inn. "Believe me, you are going to have a hard time sleeping with these guys tonight..."

Pyro could already hear his teammates within the room he and Scout were approaching. Scout knocks on the door twice quickly and then knocks again after a delay. "Guys, it's one of us!" Soldier opens the door. "Well hello there, Pyro! We missed you!" he bellows, giving Pyro an artificially soppy bear hug. "Come in!"

Pyro enters the scene. It was one queen sized bed with Engineer lying down sipping a beer. Heavy was looking out the windowsill, contemplating, Spy was smoking against a wall while trying to shake off Scout's argument that tiramisu isn't the best cake in the world, Sniper was ranting about how the coffee machine was broken, Soldier was yelling at Heavy for being an "emotionally consumed, Communist loafer", Medic was cleaning Archimedes while singing a German lullaby and Demoman stacked a bunch of pillows on his head to try to block out the noise.

Scout's blank face looks at his team's environment and sighs. "I kinda don't want to come in anymore."

* * *

><p><strong>Yup! It's 11:07 where I'm at right now quickly trying to finish up this chapter. Okay gtg eat bread pl0x dont be a scrub eat doritos drink mtn dew byegn<strong>

**Thanks anyways!  
>-DWalkthroughGuy<strong>


	12. Broken Coffee Machine

Scout frantically scrambles onto the ground and looks at the water intently. "Come on come on come on! Wait..." Scout turns around and sees a roll of rope set next to two boxes and a barrel.

"Wait you're not thinking of..." Demoman begins.

"Yeah I'm thinking of that!" Scout retorts before Demo could finish his sentence.

"Wait but what we're you thinking of?"

"Climbing down there to get that stupid lighter," Scout replies. He grabs the rope, ties it around the main mast and then tying it onto his waist.

"Oh. That wasn't what I was thinking of. Never mind then. Go on, lad. This should be interesting." Demoman walks back to the steering wheel. The breeze was a bit stronger than earlier, which helped accelerate the ship a bit. "It's a pretty good day to be a pirate."

* * *

><p>Two hours passed and Scout is still in the water trying to find the water. Engineer, wrench in hand after fixing up Sniper's sniper, looks down at Scout below. "Boy, we've sailed past there a couple of hours ago. The parts of it are probably lost."<p>

"What do you mean parts?"

"Well the dynamite might've blown it up as it landed, it was nearby," Engineer explains. Scout splashes the water with both hands.

"Dang it! Why didn't I think of that?" Scout pulls on to the rope, using the wall to step upwards the ship, like a mountain climber. He heaves himself up on the deck to see Spy standing over him.

Spy clears his throat to get Scout's attention, who was soaking wet from the waist down. "Ahem, I believe you should return my cigarette lighter?" Scout stands up, rubbing the back of his neck and looking downwards.

"Yeah, well, about that..."

"You lost it didn't you?" Spy inevitably predicted this moment happening. Scout shrugs.

"M-Maybe-" Spy frowns. 'Why did I agree to do this in the first place?' he says in his mind. He walks off a bit, trying to not choke the Scout to death on the spot.

"Augh! Well, I guess I'll have to buy another one..." Spy says in an okay-too-bad-so-sad tone. Scout looks up.

"Wait, so you're not mad?" Scout remarks. Spy turns around and pokes his finger into Scout's chest.

"You cost me big money Scout! I hold you responsible for my next favor," he turns around and tosses the used cigarette in his mouth into the ocean. "Get me another lighter in a week, and I'll forgive you."

"A WEEK? Um, HELLO? We're in the middle of the freakin' ocean here! Where am I supposed to find a lighter anywhere?" Scout outstretches his arms lengthwise emphasizing the vacuousness they are in. "And besides, what happens if I don;t do it?"

"Well, I guess you'll be shamed for the rest of your life," Spy replies, dismissing Scout. He takes out another cigarette, making his way towards Pyro, the only one with a makeshift lighter in the whole team.

* * *

><p>"Oi!" Sniper calls from the Crow's nest. "Look ovah there!" He points outwards into the ocean. Soldier gets to the bow of the ship and looks into the empty ocean.<p>

"I don't see any- OOF!" something hits the side of the ship, sending Soldier (along with a few other team members) flying to the left. The ship creaks a bit, swaying to the left and right as everyone recollects their bearings to find the source of the blow. Looking off to the right, they see two ships coming towards the direction. Two pirate ships just like theirs, to be exact. "INCOMING!" he yells aloud. Everyone looks out the right side of the ship, watching the two mysterious clones roll in.

Many of them were confused; Demoman hasn't actually battled another pirate ship, he only knows how to maneuver one. "What do we do now?" Sniper calls from above. Engineer just finished fixing his Sniper Rifle and climbed up to his post just before the first cannonball hit. Then, the second one hits.

Everyone, still disoriented from the first strike, thought it was probably a good idea to get going.

"Should we go fight them head on?" Engineer asks Demoman for advice. The Demo, a bit hesitant at the authority he was just given, took a while before he nodded and steered the ship forward. It made him smile a bit, knowing he was the captain. Engineer was the so-called "team captain" without notice. No one really called him a leader, he was just a really good one, and everyone accepted and follow him. Now that the Engineer is giving him advice, Demoman felt a bit better knowing that he was respected of his knowledge, that and being able to down a whole six-pack of Scrumpy in a matter of five minutes.

* * *

><p>"Come on! Everyone must fight!" Heavy stumbles into the ship to take out his beloved Sasha, letting out a battle cry and waiting by the deck for the rest of the team to show. The three ships were beginning to converge, and it wasn't long until RED saw their opponents. They were the typical pirate stereotypes, wearing typical pirate gear and stereotype weapons. They wielded swords and guns, holding them up in a roar of battle. RED wasn't fazed one bit; that is, except for Scout.<p>

Keep in mind that the pirate crews were also former members of RED and BLU, except instead of wearing their usual battlefield attire, they sported a pirate outfit, each with the theme of black. 'o.W.n?' Spy thought in his mind.

"Oi!" A Demo calls from one of the ships. "Ya better be ready lads, because yer about to get ya throat ripped right outta yer neck!" He holds a Persian Persuader, cajoling a battle cry from both of the ships.

"What did he say?" Soldier says loudly. Engineer shushes him.

"This is gunna be one helluva battle..." Engineer mumbles to himself, cocking his shotgun. They all get into battle position, waiting for them to make the first shot. A Spy shoots the RED Spy, sending him flying backwards. The two ships pass each other, barely brushing the wood on each of their's walls. "Here we go!"

* * *

><p><strong>Cliffhangered! You're very welcome.<strong>

**Thanks anyways.**

**-DWalkthroughGuy**


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